Hand-Sanitizing Our Corn

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Sanitizing Nature

Many of you may not know that every crop we grow here on the farm endures a daily round of disinfection.  On the hour, and through the wee hours of the morning, our staff applies electrostatic sprayer disinfection to any blossom, any stalk, any ear of corn that might have been touched by a crow or a gnat or a bee or a fellow human being.  We believe it is CRITICAL that whenever you touch nature, you only touch it after we have thoroughly disinfected nature with a healthy dose of this month’s FDA and CDC approved toxicity.

Just this morning, on my walk, I noticed a rather large black bear’s raspberry-infused stool.  I thought to myself, “when was the last update to our bear stool policy?”  You can never be too procedural.  Leave the stool on the trail, remove it, or blast it with some sort of bleachy-chlorine compound that will render it incapable of species-to-species infection?

The corn crop has always been “problematic” on this front.  Even though I find worms unpleasant, in my early 40s I steeled myself to a remedy:  I learned how to shuck the ear, remove a worm, and then cut the cob down to an edible portion.

I now repent of this compromise.  We need to vaccinate the corn.  We need to send federal employees around to each corn patch and demand that every ear be thoroughly sprayed with something mildly toxic.


SATIRE, in case you missed it.  

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This post was written by Jim Riley

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